...No, before you get started, that is not the reason I got into keeping some farm yard fowl but after some of the events I've had this week, I feel like telling that to some people!!!!
Monday had me waking up with the realisation that my tiny money reserve is shrinking at an alarming rate and I may need some help from our similarly positioned government to help me though my well planned and thought out venture! So up to the dole office I went... and what a joke!!! After queueing forever I finally get to a monosyllable officer who thinks small talk is just that, a small talk. After "please read this" and "sign here here and here" the lady knew no other dialogue. When I finally got to the end of the 127 page questionnaire I put to her one simple question, "When do I start to collect my few shillings?" "Well", she replies, "not till after your means test at the earliest, probably a few weeks after that". My means test is not till frigging Sept 15th so not only have I to wait forever but theres a chance that I may not get my full entitlement for 204 euro coins! but.....
...Theres a minor loophole! I can do a course with the great money pit of our established order "FAS"! So, 5 days later had me in with the great employment adviser (who actually told me that the office was a waste of time for finding jobs). I told him I would like to enrol for a course. After a long and thoughtful process we settled on "HGV DRIVING" Yes folks, I'm now going to be a lorry driving poultry farmer, my wares can reach the country far and wide in glories lorrified transport!!
Tuesday was a dark day. Waking up with a spring in my step and the sun shining through the curtains I decide once again to increase the size of my poultry population! Off to town and my stock rises by ten to 28....for about an hour! I get home, spill my new members of my family into there new home to discover 3 dead in transit, and the rest not too happy about the whole thing either! 3 dead birds removed I leave his now perspiring comrades to cool off while I go about my business, a half hour later discovers them all well bar one little fecker. Being the nice fella that I am, he's bought inside to a new home for the night, a cardboard box filled with straw and my own bedside lamp for heat at one side, that way he could decide his own comfort level! I fall asleep a worried man, he's not looking too good.
Morning finds me waking to his persisting tapping at the water bowl! The fucker surived the night! Reidy, you've done it, theres the makings of a vet in you! I lie in bed, one eye open watching the miraculous recovery, rather proud of my instincts and actions...till the little bollox has a fit in front of my eyes! He moonwalks around the box like Michael Jackson on speed for about a minute and fluffs it, gone, dead as a maggot, and folks...a maggot is fair dead!
After telling my fair lady she could have anything she wanted today she states she would like to visit the zoo. Now Because of my above mentioned very important meeting with the governmental employment agency I could not leave early enough to justify such a journey. We settled on Bunratty folk park! And my dear friends, everywhere there is money to be saved we will save it! Admission: 16.50 (adult) 10.50 (student). "2 students please" "Ok, can I see your cards please". "well, we don't actually have them" This turned into a story about my car being robbed with them being in it, for a finish the woman had more detail got about the robbery than any garda in the country would have extracted during a detailed investigation. Luckily I had a friend who's car got robbed who's story made a rather fine template!
Folks, time for the leaba, (even though my girlfriend who asked me to stay over has blown me off for some pissy girly night! I'm drinking her bottle of wine so she can deal with that! MAN POWER!)
Jay
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment