My dear cock and one of his mistresses were missing from their home stead when I got back from the Cois Fairige festival yesterday. My five minute job of just feeding the family turned into an hour long search of the farm yard and surrounding tree's! After giving up the ghost and about to concede defeat to some sly fox I hear a familier crow, but from where? The randy rooster and horny hen had gone to a swinging party being hosted in the neighbours hen house! I walked in the door to find a right session on, a meal trough in the middle of the floor and a couple of sets of tractor key's in it. We left them to it after the queen herself explain'd quite firmly she'd have no interest, (after which I ran quickly back for my own keys)
Yours Poultry
Jay
Monday, September 14, 2009
D day is coming!
When you buy little chicks with the view of raising them as meat the day they have to meet the chopping board is so far in the future that you never really give it any consideration. But that day is approaching, fast! There is 4 bird's getting too fat to walk now so they have to meet there end! Will I be able to do it? Await further posts!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
21 days later.....
....and no eggs hatched- This my fellow farmers and farmerettes is a bad sign! My delightful granduncle must have killed my developing brood when he killed power to my incubator! Old people and their fear of "the electric" will never be overcome methinks!
After a long wild wet poultry free weekend at the "Electric Picnic" festival I came home to find all my stock alive and well and considerably happier and content looking. Maybe by doing nothing I would be a better farmer, or more likely, the fact that we have moved to a new premises! I now have a large shed for my feathered stock and hopefully (fingers crossed) the rats and other such vermin wont find us!
Money wise I managed to sell my beloved old ex military land rover and can now fund the purchase of more stock! I did make the mistake and blow most of it on attending the above mentioned weekend but lads, I did need a break from all this hard work I'm doing. So, talking to a fella today for day old broilers and should now have a steady weekly supply of about 30 birds!
Also, to your utter amazement, my poultry has made me there first few yo yo's. I wont embarras myself by astucally divulging the financails but there was somebody out there who taught my hen ark was a good idea, and even went as far as paying me for the privilage of owning it. Now I have got a message a couple of days later complaining that the hens I included have yet to lay an egg but fingers crossed... And anyway, I have my money!!
Yours,
Poultry in Motion,
Jamie
After a long wild wet poultry free weekend at the "Electric Picnic" festival I came home to find all my stock alive and well and considerably happier and content looking. Maybe by doing nothing I would be a better farmer, or more likely, the fact that we have moved to a new premises! I now have a large shed for my feathered stock and hopefully (fingers crossed) the rats and other such vermin wont find us!
Money wise I managed to sell my beloved old ex military land rover and can now fund the purchase of more stock! I did make the mistake and blow most of it on attending the above mentioned weekend but lads, I did need a break from all this hard work I'm doing. So, talking to a fella today for day old broilers and should now have a steady weekly supply of about 30 birds!
Also, to your utter amazement, my poultry has made me there first few yo yo's. I wont embarras myself by astucally divulging the financails but there was somebody out there who taught my hen ark was a good idea, and even went as far as paying me for the privilage of owning it. Now I have got a message a couple of days later complaining that the hens I included have yet to lay an egg but fingers crossed... And anyway, I have my money!!
Yours,
Poultry in Motion,
Jamie
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Murder bloody murder!!!
I’m taking a break from the market today, well not quite the market but the collection of people I seem to be befriending. It peaked last week when I sold some old surveillance equipment to a chap. He starts by explaining his passion with electronics. He explains that ever since he got beat up he has loads of free time so he spends it working on small electronic projects and the like. “Poor fella, wonder what happened him” I think to myself. He goes on to explain that he was beat up by a 38 yr old kick boxer. “Was he trying to steal some money?” I enquire innocently. Not at all, it seems my new buddy was “accused” of shouting profanities over the ditch at Jackie Chans wife so got a pounding for his actions. And then, “from the corrupt justice system” received 12 months in jail. Currently under appeal, my buddy has a foolproof way of getting it thrown out of court. Unknown to the corrupt police and judge, he used to be a policeman and has gone to the ends of the earth to discredit the prosecution. He’s discovered that the “squeaky-clean” superintendent over his case is not so squeaky clean after all…. His uncle committed suicide 50 yrs ago! Armed with this new “shocking” revelation, this man hopes to clear his name. I will be at that court case, Dictaphone in hand!
Unfortunately, my bad luck continued throughout the week. I wake Monday morning (head sore, seems to be a trend of Mondays) I look upon my healthy and thriving shed of poultry, but there’s something amiss? I can’t here my constant squeaking of my beloved little ducklings! There gone!, a hole tunnelled into their enclosure, a dirty fecking rat decided to feast on my ducks, lucky he couldn’t reach my plum tree for sauce! Grieving over my furry little friends I check the rest of my herd. Carnage ensues; there is a turkey, caught in a pallet, a spot of blood on his head! They tried to kidnap (or turkey nap) the poor fecker! And when I lifted him out, I discovered they feasted on the poor turkeys arse as main course to their duckling starter! I go fort to investigate if had they a love for chicken. Everything is alive here. But only just, one of the hens and her younger comrade are obviously shaken. I remove them for investigation but no marks on either. One hen pukes on me as I lift her, nice! I move them to new lodging for the night, make them comfy and warm. And, they die. If I find that rat…
There is also a traitor in my camp! Our little dog, which follows me around daily as I feed my stock decided to get frisky yesterday. I have my young broilers out, walking in the great out doors for the first time, me showing the whole lot off to my curious cousin! He’s complimenting how well there doing and how strong they are till, out of nowhere, under our noses, in runs Patch and grabs one! After a glorious battle I wrestle my young featured friend back and deliver a size ten to the dog. After a quick health check I discover minimal blood and a break in its wing. Not too bad, defiantly survivable! I move him to my trauma ward (which to date, hasn’t had a great success rate) to let him recover his ordeal in piece! 2 hours later, dead as a maggot!
And to top it all off, I come back Thursday after a night away to discover my incubator full of eggs near hatching turned off….
Not a good week for poultry folks…
Stock count now: 17
Unfortunately, my bad luck continued throughout the week. I wake Monday morning (head sore, seems to be a trend of Mondays) I look upon my healthy and thriving shed of poultry, but there’s something amiss? I can’t here my constant squeaking of my beloved little ducklings! There gone!, a hole tunnelled into their enclosure, a dirty fecking rat decided to feast on my ducks, lucky he couldn’t reach my plum tree for sauce! Grieving over my furry little friends I check the rest of my herd. Carnage ensues; there is a turkey, caught in a pallet, a spot of blood on his head! They tried to kidnap (or turkey nap) the poor fecker! And when I lifted him out, I discovered they feasted on the poor turkeys arse as main course to their duckling starter! I go fort to investigate if had they a love for chicken. Everything is alive here. But only just, one of the hens and her younger comrade are obviously shaken. I remove them for investigation but no marks on either. One hen pukes on me as I lift her, nice! I move them to new lodging for the night, make them comfy and warm. And, they die. If I find that rat…
There is also a traitor in my camp! Our little dog, which follows me around daily as I feed my stock decided to get frisky yesterday. I have my young broilers out, walking in the great out doors for the first time, me showing the whole lot off to my curious cousin! He’s complimenting how well there doing and how strong they are till, out of nowhere, under our noses, in runs Patch and grabs one! After a glorious battle I wrestle my young featured friend back and deliver a size ten to the dog. After a quick health check I discover minimal blood and a break in its wing. Not too bad, defiantly survivable! I move him to my trauma ward (which to date, hasn’t had a great success rate) to let him recover his ordeal in piece! 2 hours later, dead as a maggot!
And to top it all off, I come back Thursday after a night away to discover my incubator full of eggs near hatching turned off….
Not a good week for poultry folks…
Stock count now: 17
Friday, August 21, 2009
Go fuck a duck why don't ya....
...No, before you get started, that is not the reason I got into keeping some farm yard fowl but after some of the events I've had this week, I feel like telling that to some people!!!!
Monday had me waking up with the realisation that my tiny money reserve is shrinking at an alarming rate and I may need some help from our similarly positioned government to help me though my well planned and thought out venture! So up to the dole office I went... and what a joke!!! After queueing forever I finally get to a monosyllable officer who thinks small talk is just that, a small talk. After "please read this" and "sign here here and here" the lady knew no other dialogue. When I finally got to the end of the 127 page questionnaire I put to her one simple question, "When do I start to collect my few shillings?" "Well", she replies, "not till after your means test at the earliest, probably a few weeks after that". My means test is not till frigging Sept 15th so not only have I to wait forever but theres a chance that I may not get my full entitlement for 204 euro coins! but.....
...Theres a minor loophole! I can do a course with the great money pit of our established order "FAS"! So, 5 days later had me in with the great employment adviser (who actually told me that the office was a waste of time for finding jobs). I told him I would like to enrol for a course. After a long and thoughtful process we settled on "HGV DRIVING" Yes folks, I'm now going to be a lorry driving poultry farmer, my wares can reach the country far and wide in glories lorrified transport!!
Tuesday was a dark day. Waking up with a spring in my step and the sun shining through the curtains I decide once again to increase the size of my poultry population! Off to town and my stock rises by ten to 28....for about an hour! I get home, spill my new members of my family into there new home to discover 3 dead in transit, and the rest not too happy about the whole thing either! 3 dead birds removed I leave his now perspiring comrades to cool off while I go about my business, a half hour later discovers them all well bar one little fecker. Being the nice fella that I am, he's bought inside to a new home for the night, a cardboard box filled with straw and my own bedside lamp for heat at one side, that way he could decide his own comfort level! I fall asleep a worried man, he's not looking too good.
Morning finds me waking to his persisting tapping at the water bowl! The fucker surived the night! Reidy, you've done it, theres the makings of a vet in you! I lie in bed, one eye open watching the miraculous recovery, rather proud of my instincts and actions...till the little bollox has a fit in front of my eyes! He moonwalks around the box like Michael Jackson on speed for about a minute and fluffs it, gone, dead as a maggot, and folks...a maggot is fair dead!
After telling my fair lady she could have anything she wanted today she states she would like to visit the zoo. Now Because of my above mentioned very important meeting with the governmental employment agency I could not leave early enough to justify such a journey. We settled on Bunratty folk park! And my dear friends, everywhere there is money to be saved we will save it! Admission: 16.50 (adult) 10.50 (student). "2 students please" "Ok, can I see your cards please". "well, we don't actually have them" This turned into a story about my car being robbed with them being in it, for a finish the woman had more detail got about the robbery than any garda in the country would have extracted during a detailed investigation. Luckily I had a friend who's car got robbed who's story made a rather fine template!
Folks, time for the leaba, (even though my girlfriend who asked me to stay over has blown me off for some pissy girly night! I'm drinking her bottle of wine so she can deal with that! MAN POWER!)
Jay
Monday had me waking up with the realisation that my tiny money reserve is shrinking at an alarming rate and I may need some help from our similarly positioned government to help me though my well planned and thought out venture! So up to the dole office I went... and what a joke!!! After queueing forever I finally get to a monosyllable officer who thinks small talk is just that, a small talk. After "please read this" and "sign here here and here" the lady knew no other dialogue. When I finally got to the end of the 127 page questionnaire I put to her one simple question, "When do I start to collect my few shillings?" "Well", she replies, "not till after your means test at the earliest, probably a few weeks after that". My means test is not till frigging Sept 15th so not only have I to wait forever but theres a chance that I may not get my full entitlement for 204 euro coins! but.....
...Theres a minor loophole! I can do a course with the great money pit of our established order "FAS"! So, 5 days later had me in with the great employment adviser (who actually told me that the office was a waste of time for finding jobs). I told him I would like to enrol for a course. After a long and thoughtful process we settled on "HGV DRIVING" Yes folks, I'm now going to be a lorry driving poultry farmer, my wares can reach the country far and wide in glories lorrified transport!!
Tuesday was a dark day. Waking up with a spring in my step and the sun shining through the curtains I decide once again to increase the size of my poultry population! Off to town and my stock rises by ten to 28....for about an hour! I get home, spill my new members of my family into there new home to discover 3 dead in transit, and the rest not too happy about the whole thing either! 3 dead birds removed I leave his now perspiring comrades to cool off while I go about my business, a half hour later discovers them all well bar one little fecker. Being the nice fella that I am, he's bought inside to a new home for the night, a cardboard box filled with straw and my own bedside lamp for heat at one side, that way he could decide his own comfort level! I fall asleep a worried man, he's not looking too good.
Morning finds me waking to his persisting tapping at the water bowl! The fucker surived the night! Reidy, you've done it, theres the makings of a vet in you! I lie in bed, one eye open watching the miraculous recovery, rather proud of my instincts and actions...till the little bollox has a fit in front of my eyes! He moonwalks around the box like Michael Jackson on speed for about a minute and fluffs it, gone, dead as a maggot, and folks...a maggot is fair dead!
After telling my fair lady she could have anything she wanted today she states she would like to visit the zoo. Now Because of my above mentioned very important meeting with the governmental employment agency I could not leave early enough to justify such a journey. We settled on Bunratty folk park! And my dear friends, everywhere there is money to be saved we will save it! Admission: 16.50 (adult) 10.50 (student). "2 students please" "Ok, can I see your cards please". "well, we don't actually have them" This turned into a story about my car being robbed with them being in it, for a finish the woman had more detail got about the robbery than any garda in the country would have extracted during a detailed investigation. Luckily I had a friend who's car got robbed who's story made a rather fine template!
Folks, time for the leaba, (even though my girlfriend who asked me to stay over has blown me off for some pissy girly night! I'm drinking her bottle of wine so she can deal with that! MAN POWER!)
Jay
Saturday, August 15, 2009
The qty's are growing!
Wow, things are started to explode! Last time I posted I had the grand number of 4 laying hen's....since Then:
I ventured into the mart on Tuesday morning (after meeting with the manager of the bank who were stupid enough to give me euros to buy a house, I had to explain that on my new limited income as a poulty farmer I couldnt afford that EXTRORDINARY amount they were requesting off me montly) (not that I could afford it when I had a decent income either!) So, down I drove with my unsuspecting uncle in tow, to meet the Poultry Man. And, as if i was trying to enter Lillies on a Sat night I had to queue, for nearly a half hour! And as you do when your queueing, you start to think! So instead of buying one or two things I purchased the following: 4 broiler turkeys (for the Chistmas dinner) 5 broiler chickens (for the next couple of dinners) and 2 baby ducklings (because i saw them and they looked cool!) So off out home with them and on to my next adventure, the swap of my 1995 Mitsibishi FTO sports car for a 1989 jeep! mad? well I'll put it this way,we codded each other! So, girlfriend in tow ( I swear, most patient woman in the country) we cruised up to Kildare to meet our new wheels! And boy were they cool, 1989 Blue Land Rover Defender with roof rack! Well I thought it was cool, I'll quote her..."Ah,is that what you were expecting". And she looked very unimpressed when I said it was....maybe sometihng to do with the fact I had previously informed her that it would be the perfect mobile to take us to her upcoming grad?!
So, deal done and off home, fairy uneventful other than the fact her door opened as we went around a roundabout! eek..... yes, shes still with me, I told her thats what seat belts are for!
So, now with my grand total of 15 peieces of farm yard fowl and tiny budget left I had to do something different to increase my population! So back to the first man who so kindly took my money to buy a cock! Rang him, "Hey, you have a cock down there (please no jokes!)" to which he repleied Yup, sure do, ten euros thank you verymuch!" Drove down (in my new wheels, I'm a real farmer now) Learnt back door opens on bumps, very irritating! There he was, a big Light Sussex cock in all his glory. But I forgopt my crate so into a bag with him after tieing his two legs together! I'm down there now thinking to myself, no pont having that fine pure bred cock with out having a pure bred hen for him to play with. I enquire about same to which my money hungry freind replies that he'd have one of them. Into his HUGE pen of various stock he goes and arrives out with one pullet....or so he thinks! And how do you know the difference? Its next to impossible when there young so he dangles a ring off a peice of string and hangs it at its arse! And depending on the way he reacts its meant to be an idicater of sex! We'll wait and see! So money time again and he was 20 squids! And the money is getting slack now! So argy bargy hagling to no avail I get him to throw in another hen! A speckled sussex! qrand stock total 18!
On a down side I'm broke now as I've yet to make any money from this poultry business! No interest in my beatifully designed hen ark! (am I too dear or are people not buying them, I dunno!) I also have a sick stomach to which her majesty is adament is from my fresh free range egggs!She fails to see they all come from the same place no matter where there bought.....a chickens arse!!!!
Jay
I ventured into the mart on Tuesday morning (after meeting with the manager of the bank who were stupid enough to give me euros to buy a house, I had to explain that on my new limited income as a poulty farmer I couldnt afford that EXTRORDINARY amount they were requesting off me montly) (not that I could afford it when I had a decent income either!) So, down I drove with my unsuspecting uncle in tow, to meet the Poultry Man. And, as if i was trying to enter Lillies on a Sat night I had to queue, for nearly a half hour! And as you do when your queueing, you start to think! So instead of buying one or two things I purchased the following: 4 broiler turkeys (for the Chistmas dinner) 5 broiler chickens (for the next couple of dinners) and 2 baby ducklings (because i saw them and they looked cool!) So off out home with them and on to my next adventure, the swap of my 1995 Mitsibishi FTO sports car for a 1989 jeep! mad? well I'll put it this way,we codded each other! So, girlfriend in tow ( I swear, most patient woman in the country) we cruised up to Kildare to meet our new wheels! And boy were they cool, 1989 Blue Land Rover Defender with roof rack! Well I thought it was cool, I'll quote her..."Ah,is that what you were expecting". And she looked very unimpressed when I said it was....maybe sometihng to do with the fact I had previously informed her that it would be the perfect mobile to take us to her upcoming grad?!
So, deal done and off home, fairy uneventful other than the fact her door opened as we went around a roundabout! eek..... yes, shes still with me, I told her thats what seat belts are for!
So, now with my grand total of 15 peieces of farm yard fowl and tiny budget left I had to do something different to increase my population! So back to the first man who so kindly took my money to buy a cock! Rang him, "Hey, you have a cock down there (please no jokes!)" to which he repleied Yup, sure do, ten euros thank you verymuch!" Drove down (in my new wheels, I'm a real farmer now) Learnt back door opens on bumps, very irritating! There he was, a big Light Sussex cock in all his glory. But I forgopt my crate so into a bag with him after tieing his two legs together! I'm down there now thinking to myself, no pont having that fine pure bred cock with out having a pure bred hen for him to play with. I enquire about same to which my money hungry freind replies that he'd have one of them. Into his HUGE pen of various stock he goes and arrives out with one pullet....or so he thinks! And how do you know the difference? Its next to impossible when there young so he dangles a ring off a peice of string and hangs it at its arse! And depending on the way he reacts its meant to be an idicater of sex! We'll wait and see! So money time again and he was 20 squids! And the money is getting slack now! So argy bargy hagling to no avail I get him to throw in another hen! A speckled sussex! qrand stock total 18!
On a down side I'm broke now as I've yet to make any money from this poultry business! No interest in my beatifully designed hen ark! (am I too dear or are people not buying them, I dunno!) I also have a sick stomach to which her majesty is adament is from my fresh free range egggs!She fails to see they all come from the same place no matter where there bought.....a chickens arse!!!!
Jay
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Market Day!
...After spending half the week and a considerable amount of my limited budget on building a Hen Ark (no, im not explaining it, go google it!) I ventured out today to try sell a starter egg laying hen package that you could have in any garden. So off to the local farmers market cum car boot sale and my net profit from poultry.... zilce, nano, nothing but ridicule. Die hard farmers that couldnt see the simplicity of my system. "Treated timber, whats that? sure i made a hen run out 32 old pallets 42 yrs ago and its still there". Right, feck off so! so then i get my first good lead, a nice well spoken gentleman approaches, spends quiet a bit of time talking about the whole set up, nice job, no that's not too dear and takes my number to ring me during the week. So a few mins later, feeling kinda better about my self I sneak off for a walk to see the lie of the land, outside I go and low and behold, theres mr future hen farmer himself with a nice little stall set up outside a nice campervan(something else that i have a keen interest in). So, being the polite guy that i am i stroll over, giving a loook at his wares. Of course i have to admire the fine bus conversion he had so he brushes his daughter aside (whos mental ability was defiantly debatable) and invites me in for a closer look. At this stageIm getting worried, he's getting very friendly..... I start to hesitate, my phone beeps "i better get back to my stall its getting busy" oh no problem he sayes but can i give you something to read....hands me a leaflet, "I'm christian you see...." ARGH!!!!!! run...a fucking born again christian and he has me fecking number" Jebus, you'll never get us back if you continue these underhand tricks to get me onside! I'll set the hens on you!!!
Tommorrow I visit the bank to tell them Im a poultry farmer who can no longer afford fiscal repayments and would they consider meat and or eggs....
will keep ye posted,
Jay
Tommorrow I visit the bank to tell them Im a poultry farmer who can no longer afford fiscal repayments and would they consider meat and or eggs....
will keep ye posted,
Jay
Saturday, August 8, 2009
4 hens later and...
... I am now a poultry farmer. And they've got me already! During a comical dash for freedom yours truely took a stumble mid pursuit and suffered a very serious grazed elbow! The cheeky little egg machine! I've also learnt that my significant other has a complex with hens and in no way can deal with being around them. My simple request of "keep an eye on them" while I made an ass running aroung like a headless chicken (gedddit?) after the Michael Scholfield wanna be was returned by a hysterical girl with another hen mid escape!
So, off to bed with an exciting morning ahead of me, First task: cleaning out hen poo from the jeep! The moral: don't underestimate there pooing ability over a short time! and the stuff STINKS!
Jay
So, off to bed with an exciting morning ahead of me, First task: cleaning out hen poo from the jeep! The moral: don't underestimate there pooing ability over a short time! and the stuff STINKS!
Jay
Friday, August 7, 2009
In out, shave a bullock.....
....Thats the theme of this blog, no long drawn out rambles, no preaching on what you should or should not do and most of all, no planning, just typing.
I'm recently retired from the working community and now enjoy a funemployed status. And bar the money aspect, its not all that bad. Live to work/work to live, surely theres more to it all that that.
To put down the time I've engaged in various projects, none of which I'll finish! I codded my towny girlfriend into baking cakes for a market stall, I've sold scrap (its suprising how well that pays but the lines between me and the travelling community are getting fudged a bit) and today, with my rather large fortune (250 euro) I'm starting to farm poultry.
This will be fun,I have loads and loads of prep work done...aka, I google hen. I have a half built hen house and two hungry dogs..... now just to add the catalyst....
Yours Poultry,
Jay
I'm recently retired from the working community and now enjoy a funemployed status. And bar the money aspect, its not all that bad. Live to work/work to live, surely theres more to it all that that.
To put down the time I've engaged in various projects, none of which I'll finish! I codded my towny girlfriend into baking cakes for a market stall, I've sold scrap (its suprising how well that pays but the lines between me and the travelling community are getting fudged a bit) and today, with my rather large fortune (250 euro) I'm starting to farm poultry.
This will be fun,I have loads and loads of prep work done...aka, I google hen. I have a half built hen house and two hungry dogs..... now just to add the catalyst....
Yours Poultry,
Jay
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)